The A to Z Guide to Planning Your Wedding - Part 2

Escort cards

If you really don't know the difference between these and place cards, you are not alone (even some wedding pros get this one wrong!). "Escort card" is the name for the cards used to indicate each guest's table assignment. These miniature missives, which are usually arranged on a table near the entrance to the dining room, serve a practical purpose, but also offer a chance to get creative. For example, you might write names and table numbers on Christmas tree ornaments for a holiday affair; small gourds or pumpkins for a fall fête; or seashells and sand dollars for a summer celebration.
Favors

Show your guests how much you appreciate their presence with a thoughtful favor. Skip the candle or cookie (old news!) and consider petite treats with a purpose. Think silver luggage tags, cool coasters or corkscrews, or packets of sophisticated cocktail mixes to go. Check out these websites for a creative selection of budget-friendly favors: theweddingshopper.com, favorwarehouse.com, myweddingfavors.com, and favoraffair.com.

If you're thinking of something a little more personal, try making a donation to your favorite charity on behalf of your guests. The I Do Foundation offers a simple and easy way to make your donation. You can choose an organization from their list or suggest your own. Place cards are also available for purchase to let your guests know about the special gift.
First dance

Take a cue from the hit TV show Dancing with the Stars and spend a few weeks polishing your steps for your first dance. Whether you waltz, tango or swing, a little practice (or even a few lessons) can make the difference between shuffling nervously around the dance floor and wowing your guests with your smooth moves.

Groom's cake

A tradition that originated in the South, a groom's cake—which can sit near the wedding cake or on a separate table at the reception—is a fun addition. Surprise your guy with a confection that reflects his hobbies or interests. A baseball fan will love a bat- or hat-shaped cake, while a music lover will appreciate a treat shaped like his favorite instrument. You can serve the cake at the reception or box up slices for guests to take home.
Heritage

Looking for ways to put your personal stamp on your wedding? Consider including elements—from food to colors to music—that honor your and your fiancé's family heritage. Be sure to explain the significance to your guests. For example, you can describe specific customs or songs in the wedding program or highlight special dishes on menu cards at each place setting.
Invitations

Ideally, you should start your search for the perfect invitations six to eight months before your wedding and place your order at least four months before your date. If you don't make those deadlines, ask the printer to send the envelopes ahead of the invitations themselves. This way, you can get a head start on the time-consuming task of addressing the envelopes.
Junior bridesmaid

This role usually goes to a close female friend or relative between the ages of nine and 14. Your junior bridesmaid (if you decide to have one) will, of course, skip the bachelorette party and won't be expected to chip in on the cost of a bridal shower. She and her parents should, however, be invited to the rehearsal dinner.
Kids' table

Show your youngest guests a great time by seating them all at a special kids' table designed with them in mind (see page tk for inspiration). Some tot-friendly ideas: Put a coloring book and crayons at each place setting or provide each child with a goodie bag of small treats like stickers, mini games, crayons and cookies. Enlist a willing teenage guest, or hire a local baby-sitter, to supervise the little ones.

Lighting

One of the most dramatic ways to transform a ceremony or reception venue is with lighting. If hiring a professional is within your budget (they can be more affordable than you might think!), he or she can do virtually anything from projecting your initials onto the dance floor to spotlighting centerpieces to creating an intriguing "starry night" effect on the ceiling. If you can't afford a lighting designer, try this inexpensive trick: Replace the existing light bulbs with pink- or amber-hued ones which will cast a flattering, romantic glow.
Music

The big music question used to be "Band or DJ?" These days, many couples aren't limiting themselves to one or the other—they're hiring both! Each can take turns performing or the band can play during the early part of the reception and the DJ can take over later on, to create more of a nightclub feel. The latest idea couples like is to use an iPod to play the tunes they want to hear (perfect for in between sets or at the cocktail hour). Just make sure your venue has good speakers.

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The A to Z Guide to Planning Your Wedding

Getting engaged couldn't be more exciting, but once you actually start on the task that lies ahead of you, you may feel a bit overwhelmed. There's so much involved in planning a wedding: Should you have an outdoor event? Should you send save-the-date cards? When do you mail your invitations? Do you really need to have an open bar?

Your head might start spinning as you ponder the difference between an escort card and a place card. Relax—here are all the basics you'll need to help you pull together a memorable wedding.

 Ambience

Close your eyes and try to envision your perfect wedding. Is it a bold-colored blast with a trendy fusion menu? Or perhaps a relaxed, nature-inspired affair in stunning shades of green? Zeroing in on the type of ambience you want your event to evoke is the first step in making your dream wedding a reality.

For inspiration, grab a stack of magazines (wedding, home and travel mags work best) and tear out any photos that catch your eye. Lay them side by side and look for the common thread—serene blues and greens, for example. Chances are these colors will create the feeling that's right for you.
Attendants

The number of attendants you choose is up to you. You can keep it small and ask just your closest sibling or best friend, or extend your entourage to include more pals or family members. Remember that you aren't required to have the same number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, so don't feel compelled to ask someone to join your bridal party just to keep the sides even.
Budget

Developing a realistic budget is admittedly not the most romantic part of planning your wedding, but you certainly can't do much of anything before you figure one out. To get a sense of how much dough you have to work with, determine how much you and your fiancé have available and sit down with both sets of parents to find out what, if anything, they are able to contribute.
B-List

Second, avoid putting people who know one another well on separate lists. If a B-list coworker happens to compare notes with an A-lister, for example, she'll likely realize that she didn't make the top tier. Ouch!
Ceremony

This is just what it sounds like: a list of guests who will score invites to your wedding if any guests on your A-list decline. Here's how to carry this off without offending anyone. First, send your A-list invites out eight to 10 weeks before your event so you have enough time to get responses and move on to the B-list. (You don't want your B-listers receiving their invitations suspiciously close to your wedding date!)

This is really the heart of your wedding day, and there are lots of choices when it comes to what's best for you. You can opt for a religious ceremony at a house of worship, a legal ceremony at city hall or a courthouse, or a spiritual ceremony in just about any location, from a tranquil garden to an elegant ballroom or private home. If you and your future husband are of different faiths, consider an ecumenical or interfaith ceremony that incorporates elements from each of your religious traditions.

Destination wedding

If you're thinking about tying the knot across the country or even halfway around the world, you're right in style. Destination weddings are getting more popular all the time. If you want to get hitched abroad, be sure to thoroughly research your dream destination's marriage requirements. Some mandate that you must be in the country for a specific number of days before the wedding, for example. Another option: Skip the hassle of foreign laws, marry officially in the U.S., and then have a religious or spiritual ceremony and a reception at your destination.
Emergency kit

Don't leave for the ceremony without an emergency kit packed with essentials for tackling common wedding-day mishaps like torn hems or broken heels. Some must-haves: double-sided fabric tape, a small sewing kit, superglue, deodorant, breath mints, clear nail polish, moleskin and tissues.
Engagement parties

These are entirely optional, but they can be a fun way for the bride's and groom's family and friends to get acquainted before the wedding day. Any willing friend or relative can host an engagement party, but if more than one is planned, the bride's parents get the first shot if they wish to host. The party can be a traditional cocktail party, a laid-back barbecue or a buffet brunch—anything goes!

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How to Announce (and Celebrate!) Your Engagement - Part 4

Monetary Issues

Will your families be dividing the bills? Figuring out who pays for what—and asking how much they'll give—can be tricky, but a healthy dose of respect and a spirit of cooperation can go a long way in smoothing out the process. When it's time to talk money with your families, keep these tips in mind:

Approach each family separately. That way, you're not putting either group on the spot in front of the other.

Talk specifics. Come to the table with an estimate of how much you think the wedding will cost. Ask how much people feel comfortable giving and discuss whether there are any particular costs—like the band or rehearsal dinner—they would like to cover.

Be discreet. The two of you should keep the details of who is contributing what to yourselves. This will discourage competitive feelings and keep those who aren't contributing as much from feeling bad.

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How to Announce (and Celebrate!) Your Engagement - Part 3

Engagement Celebration
In days past, engagement parties were formal to-dos with as many guests as the wedding itself. Today, they're optional, and may include just the immediate family, the bridal party and close friends. An engagement fete can take any form: a classic buffet dinner, a swanky cocktail party or a laid-back outdoor barbecue. If an engagement soirée is on your must-do list, here's some handy planning advice:

Who hosts? Anyone can throw an engagement celebration—family members, friends, even you and your fiancé. It's also fine for each set of parents to fete you with separate engagement get-togethers if they live far apart and plan to invite different people to their shindigs.

Who's invited? Generally, the guest list is limited to family members, the bridal party and close friends. Just remember: Everyone who is invited to the engagement party should also be invited to the wedding.

What about gifts? Guests may bring engagement presents, but these aren't required. If you do receive some, wait until after the party to open them. That way, you won't make those who didn't bring a gift feel uncomfortable.

Should we register? Proper etiquette is to prepare your wedding registry before the engagement party. Be sure it includes smaller-ticket items, like picture frames, toasting glasses and candlesticks, since engagement gifts tend to be more modest than shower and wedding presents.

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How to Announce (and Celebrate!) Your Engagement - Part 2

Announcing Your Engagement

Most couples call each other's parents "Mr." and "Mrs." or use their first names. But after the engagement, some parents ask their new daughter- or son-in-law-to-be to refer to them as "Mom" and "Dad." If you're still calling your spouse's parents "Mr." and "Mrs." after the wedding and they haven't said anything about it, it's okay to ask them what monikers they'd like you to use.

After informing your nearest and dearest, and your extended families and friends, you might want to run an announcement of your engagement in your local newspaper. Papers typically publish these two to three months before the wedding, but an announcement can run up to a year in advance of the big day. Each paper has its own policy and requirements, so call yours and ask these questions:

Is there a standard form to fill out or must I write my own announcement?

Does the paper publish photos?

If so, what photo format (digital, print, and so on) and style (black-and-white or color) are preferred?

Will my photo be returned to me?

Is there a charge for running the announcement?

Usually, it's the bride's parents who issue an engagement announcement. Here are some examples of proper wording:

The Traditional Way
"Mr. and Mrs. Matthew Hall of Alpharetta, , announce the engagement of their daughter, Alexis Jane Hall, to Bradley William Smythe, son of Mr. and Mrs. Zachary Smythe of Rye, New York . A June wedding has been planned."

If the Bride's Parents Are Divorced and Both Are Announcing

"Mrs. Amy Hall of Alpharetta, , and Mr. Matthew Hall of Athens, , announce the engagement of their daughter, Alexis Jane Hall, to Bradley William Smythe, son of Mr. and Mrs. Zachary Smythe of Rye, New York . A June wedding has been planned."

If the Bride's Parents Are Divorced and One of Them Is Announcing

"Mrs. Amy Hall of Alpharetta, , announces the engagement of her daughter, Alexis Jane Hall, to Bradley William Smythe, son of Mr. and Mrs. Zachary Smythe of Rye, New York . Miss Hall is also the daughter of Mr. Matthew Hall of Athens, ..." (Note: The parent who raised you should be the one to issue the announcement.)

If the Groom's Parents Are Divorced

"Mr. and Mrs. Matthew Hall of Alpharetta, Georgia, announce the engagement of their daughter, Alexis Jane Hall, to Bradley William Smythe, son of Mrs. Elizabeth Smythe [or Mrs. Elizabeth Rogers, if remarried] of Greenwich, Connecticut, and Mr. Zachary Smythe of Rye, New York..."

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How to Announce (and Celebrate!) Your Engagement

 The Basics

Traditional engagement etiquette recommends that the bride’s parents be the first to be informed of their daughter’s engagement. Tell them in person, if possible—after all, they’re going to want to hug you and make a fuss! If they live too far away, a phone call is the next-best option. Are your parents divorced? You can talk to Mom and Dad separately, but do try to tell the second parent soon after the first, to avoid hurt feelings.

Once you’ve talked to both sets of parents, they should plan on meeting each other in person, if they haven’t already. Traditionally, the mother of the groom invites the bride’s parents over for dinner or drinks. (If the bride’s parents are divorced, the groom’s mother should meet them separately, first visiting the parent with whom the bride lived or to whom she is closest. If the groom’s parents are divorced, each one should try to meet the bride’s parents separately.) If your families live several states apart, though, a congratulatory note or phone call is perfectly fine. And if your parents don’t hear from your fiancé’s family within a few weeks, they can initiate a meeting or phone call, or simply send a note.

If you have children from a previous marriage, you should break the engagement news to them even before you tell your parents. Do it without your fiancé present, so they can feel free to react honestly. Know that they will need time to get used to the idea that their family situationis going to change. Also, it’s important to tell your (or your groom’s) ex-spouse of your upcoming nuptials, if only so he (or she) can help the kids through the transition.

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5 Things to Do First

Don't let the idea of wedding planning intimidate you. Start off easy by tackling these simple tasks.

5 things to do first

1. Make the announcement.

Some couples don't feel "right" if anyone knows their big news before parents and other close family. If possible, tell the folks in person. If your parents don't live nearby, put in a special phone call.

For ideas on how to make the big announcement, check out Your Engagement Etiquette Guide.

2. Delve into dreams.

Sit down with your fiancé—preferably over a candlelit dinner—and let the ideas, dreams, schemes and pie-in-the-sky plans fly. Think about the style you'd like, whether it's a beach bash, a sit-down dinner in a ballroom or a ceremony on a mountaintop. No talk of money. Yet.

Get ideas from other couples' weddings in our Real Weddings section.

3. Talk money.

Oops, sorry. Dreamtime over (for now). It's rare these days that the bride's parents pick up the whole bill, so decide now on your bottom line. Find out from both sets of parents if or how much they can contribute.

Read How to Save for Your Wedding to find out how to plan a wedding without going into debt.

4. Rough out the timing.

While you don't have to set a firm date now, it's smart to at least have an idea of what month or season you want to marry in. That'll give you a sense of how long you have to get things organized.

Check out Wedding Themes for Every Season for some great seasonal wedding ideas.

5. Create a guest list.

Because your wedding's size determines where you'll hold the party, how much it will cost (prices usually rise by guest) and whether travel will be involved, creating a guest list is one of the first and most important things to do. So make your list; your fiancé and both families should do the same. You can, and likely will, cut later, but this first number will be your base.  

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